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January 10, 2006
Alton Brown is kind of a douchebag.
I scored some great knives for Giftmas from my fabulous in-laws and am re-committed to more home cooking. Mister Bento helps - I always want to fill his little containers (dirty!) with tasty homemade lunch items. And thanks to the annual January Bank Balance Blues, we're eating at home more, which is definitely healthier and cheaper than hitting our usual haunts. Our bar tabs alone can hit pretty hard.
So I had an hour tonight, figured I'd check out the Food network to see what people are making. Usually when I flip by the Food network I see either ludicrous travel shows disguised as food shows or one of those Best Of! shows that catalogue things like the ten best wiener stands in America. Or fucking Emeril, who's just creepy. But hey, turns out that 6:30-7:30 is prime Actual Cooking Show time.
Unfortunately, Food Network's cooking shows kinda suck.
OK, maybe some don't. I only watched two tonight. What?
Rachael Ray's shuffle off to Buffalo accent turns my stomach faster than a rancid bottle of EVOO. What the fuck? Why can't she just say olive oil? I like that she's all cheery and accessible, and I guess this makes me a snob, but I don't think anyone with that kind of harsh accent belongs on television. The upstate New York accent is right up there with thick Chicago, nasal St. Louis, and obscure-but-trust-me-terrifying Northern Kentucky - prime target for a voice coach. And she called sandwiches "sammies" today.
Alton Brown gets on my tits, too. The props, the gimmicks, the cheesy fucking jokes, the contrived anal-retentive mannerisms. Why do people swear by this guy? Sound effects chime in after his bad jokes. He's kind of a dweeb. His recipes seem OK, but not really earth-shattering, either. Right now he's waxing orgasmic about latex gloves. Riveting.
When is Sarah Kramer getting her own show? Over the weekend, I made her vegan black bean and sweet potato burritos. Simple and super. The more I make from La Dolce Vegan!, the more I like her style.
On Sunday, Bryan, Brigid and paid a visit to Bien Phuoc, a Vietnamese market down on 3rd Street near my favorite Vietnamese restaurant, Vietnam Kitchen. I'd heard the conventional wisdom that Asian markets tend to be cheaper than conventional supermarkets and I wanted to check it out. Turns out it's true, though the price marking scheme is more than haphazard so it's a bit of a leap of faith. I bought a big pack of gyoza wrappers, smoked mock duck, vegetarian spring rolls, lotus rice balls, a big bottle of Sriracha, and a package of tamarind soup base for $13.23. Nice. Could have done without the slabs of fish staring at me with their little dead eyes - reminded me of an unpleasant former co-worker.
Rice balls for Mister Bento! I have the coolest lunch in the lunchroom. It's no Vegan LunchBox, but then again, who is?
I also made a raspberry coffeecake (not vegan, though, are you nuts?) on Sunday, just because I could. I've been force-feeding my friends all week. Alisha, you're next, I'm bringing some over tomorrow night. Fucking recipe yielded a whole cake's worth, like a CAKE cake. That's more confection than I need hanging around my kitchen.
Posted by eek at January 10, 2006 07:02 PM
Comments
I'm not an Alton-groupie but brining your turkey really does work. Other than that I find him like Bill Nye the Science Guy for Foodies.
I don't like Rachel Ray's cooking b/c it seems on the unhealthy side and she is annoying.
I used to enjoy myself some Iron Chef. I need my own cooking show, man-it would be called Postcards from Crazy and would feature me cooking easy Indian food recipes (heavy on fish and veggies) and occasionally featuring my relatives doddering on for advice and hilarity.
Posted by: monkey at January 10, 2006 08:35 PM
That's some shit I would watch.
Thoughts on Madhur Jaffrey? The Moms gave me the Cooking from the Indian Spice Trail and I'm eyeballing the vegetable biryani.
Posted by: eek at January 10, 2006 08:44 PM
You know...me and the Colonel met at Culinary School...I think WE need a show..."Drinkin' in the Kitchen w/ Dallas Alice!"...there could be trained monkeys...
Posted by: Sean at January 10, 2006 11:30 PM
Madhur Jaffrey writes great cookbooks. Speaking of which, I have a great spinach curry that I have been promising to post about. My friend from undergrad loves it.
Posted by: monkey at January 10, 2006 11:42 PM
Sean, I would even pay-per-view that show.
Good to know, Monks! Maybe I will hit the good Indian market for ingredients and try the biryani some weekend.
Posted by: eek at January 11, 2006 08:48 AM
Rachel Ray is nails down the chalkboard. And she's so flat-chested and you can tell she wears push-up bras. Eww. Giada, on the other hand...mmmm...That was some damn good coffee cake. Bring it to InKY if there's any left by then.
Posted by: Terri at January 11, 2006 09:43 AM
Thank you! Christopher loves Good Eats, while even the sight of Alton Brown's face gives me hives. Must . Destroy. Alton. Brown.
Posted by: Gwenda at January 11, 2006 01:05 PM
Oh I know you didn't just call my imaginary boyfriend a douchebag. Them's fighting words! Maybe you have to be a giant dork to love him, but we giant dorks love him A LOT.
Of course, Joshua's a giant dork too and he thinks Alton's recipes are twice the work for a 10% improvement in quality. But I say, find me another cooking show with chemical reactions. Can't, can you? I thought not.
Posted by: Amanda (the doc's wife) at January 11, 2006 02:07 PM
I've heard so many people talk about how great he is, and his stuff on the food network website is pretty good. I was shocked at how annoying I found him when he started moving and talking. I don't need skits on a food show. I feel like a failed geek or something. Sarah Kramer Now!
Posted by: eek at January 11, 2006 02:41 PM
Seriously, the thing I love about Alton is that he gives you all the "whys" behind cooking. It's not just his recipes (which I honestly find a mixed bag), it's the explanations of what part each ingredient plays in a recipe. It lets me substitute ingredients and repair failed recipes, which I used to be really bad at. He's the reason my sister and mother call me when a recipe goes wrong.
Posted by: Amanda (the doc's wife) at January 11, 2006 04:39 PM
My house is 3 streets down from Bien Phuoc and the Kitchen... I miss them terribly, SO cheap! I guess you've ventured to the Value Market as well. I loved being the only shopper to speak american.
Posted by: digitalcowgirl at January 11, 2006 08:02 PM
Yeah, Amanda, the science is pretty cool. Why does he have to dweeb it all up with props and silly camera effects? I think I'd prefer something less 3-2-1 Contact! but I think it is nice to think about food beyond just following recipes.
And DCG, that Valu Market rocks!
Posted by: eek at January 11, 2006 09:12 PM
I used to like Mario Batili's live cooking show, then he started going around Italy on a scooter and I lost interest. Bobby Flay just opened a restaurant here in Vegas. If I was a millionaire I'd have lunch there sometime.
Posted by: yournamehere at January 11, 2006 10:40 PM
Call me a geek...a non-cooking geek at that, but I love Rachael AND Alton...and Paula Deen too. I gotta give them props...no way, no how could I do what they do!
But hey baby, don't you start messing with my man Rick Spence on HGTV's 'Curb Appeal' cause anything you say against Rick is fightin' words :-)
YNH, am going to Bobby Flay's in 2 more weeks...and Emeril's NO Fish House...can't wait!
Posted by: Kath at January 12, 2006 12:32 AM
I'm a Tony Bourdain fan myself.
Posted by: eek at January 12, 2006 12:54 AM
I'll chime in on the Alton and Rachael debate.
The gimmicks aside, they both know how to cook and their advice is basic and down to earth. I'd trust Alton to recommend tools and methods anytime.
They are S O O O O much better than Julia Child or the Galloping Gourmet on PBS in the old days.
Posted by: dott at January 12, 2006 11:04 AM
"America's Test Kitchen" on PBS is the only cooking show worth watching. If you're jonesing for a Cooking Dork, Christopher Kimball is the man for you. Alton Brown in his wildest dreams couldn't match the spectacled, bow-tied Uber-dorkiness of Kimball. Entertaining, informative, and it always leaves me hungry after I watch it.
And Madhur Jaffrey's cookbooks are, indeed, great. More than a few of our regular dinners come straight from her pages. Mmm...curried red lentils...
Posted by: Hulkster at January 13, 2006 02:49 PM
I love Cook's Illustrated, but I've never actually seen America's Test Kitchen. I love how methodical they are and how they show their trial and error - it's less of an I'm So Smart approach, I feel like I, too, could trial & error my way to the perfect creme brulee.
Posted by: eek at January 13, 2006 05:33 PM
I like Alton Brown's gimmicks, and the science-nerd approach he takes to cooking -- it's an angle I've never seen before in a cooking show, and I appreciate that. I do think, however, that the actual utility of his shows is limited by the gadgetry. They're entertaining to watch, but I don't get a lot of informative value out of them.
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