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May 10, 2006
The road to Rioja is littered with shiso tamales.
I have a bottle of el cheapo Montebuena Rioja and a thirst for the dirt ... t minus 10 minutes 'til the Top Chef reunion show. I think Harold wears flip flops? Another brave footwear choice! Previews on Bravo's site show the Tiffanator getting the business from all sides, Dave sniffling, and Ken the Crazy Irishman braying from the back row. Bring it.
Thoughts on the Top Chef Reunion...
I have seen my future, and it looks a lot like Cynthia Sestito. Sailor mouth? Check. Suicide blonde? Check. The only quibble I have with Cynthia is this: sweetheart, ring me. That Jack Daniels you're drinking? Honey, I can hook you up. Tennessee whiskey is but a slow-witted cousin with an overbite to good Kentucky bourbon. Cynthia had to leave the show early because of her father's declining health, but I hope they bring her back for a full season 2 of stashing airplane bottles in her bra, peering down her specs at a tableful of mess, and dropping the smoky F-bomb more often than Sir Harold. In 25 years, I anticipate becoming Cynthia: a ballsy broad with a popped collar, cute eyewear, and a no-nonsense attitude about life and how to live it. May the next quarter-century be filled with the good stuff that'll get me there.
Harold not only sported a questionable sweater (as suspected) and the aforementioned flops, but matched them with camo pants not unlike the kind worn by the guys in the Ag Sci program at my high school (they drove tractors and grew blue-ribbon'd hydroponic shit). Some kids were not meant to go out of uniform. Still, Harold, I salute your testimony on sticking your own finger in the sauce, your Bones McCoy montage on everything you are not, ie a pastry chef, an entertainer, a cast member on a reality show ... oh, wait ...? Anyway, I think Harold broke Gail Simmons' heart when he revealed his non-single status. She seemed a bit too eager to get the answer to that "viewer's question" to me ... Gail, you looked fierce tonight. Call me! I know some bartenders who will take you to Paradise City without a second thought.
Tiffani cried and only the production assistant (adorable!) cared. Wow. I have to hope that she's not an absolutely miserable cow like she's been portrayed on the show, but that's pretty damning evidence right there. If a bunch of weepy drunks won't even rush to comfort your dry-heaving ass, it's almost a lock that you've acted the skank in the recent past. Look, I work in a creative field full of egos and bullshit and constant subjective judgment. As a player in my field, and as a strong woman, I know it's not only possible, but actually preferable, to be a supportive friend to my colleagues (who are all going after the same spoils I am) without sacrificing my own goals. It's all about the Golden Rule - you treat others the way you'd like to be treated and it will come back on you ten-fold. The way I see it, when my friends succeed, we all succeed. We're all in this together, and I pity Tiffani since she apparently feels like she's in the game alone.
Speaking of strong females, Lee Anne's outfit was hot, and I loved her sharing the Swigging Bottle with Stephen, who killed me as the Defender of Truth and Righteousness tonight. I still feel a bit wounded that the final three of the competition were not Lee Anne, Harold, and Dave. Tiffani kind of kills it for me ... her veg lasagna looks fine, but the side of bitchcakes? I can do without. Lee Anne brought the hilarity and the humanity to this show, and I can only imagine her incredulous laughter at whatever retarded challenge they'll throw their way in Vegas. Lee Anne, I pour my three-ounce pour out on the lawn in honor of you, our packed-knife homie.
Which brings us to Dave, the Human Arc. Unlike anyone else on the show, Dave was edited to show a story arc, and that is not to be discounted. Reality teevee loves a personal arc. Though one of my pet peeves is crying in the workplace, Dave's waterworks never bothered me. Probably because I friggin' love nachos. What can I say? I'm part of the 73% who eats tasty falafels and magic lasagnas for 95% of my meals. I work in the nonprofit and academic worlds, people. I can't swing Big Dining Dinners on my salary more than once in a blue moon, so I will take "layered big flavors" over the whiff of ground unicorn horn and just call it a fucking Jerusalem artichoke already plated through a biscuit cutter most days of the week. Paired, natch, with a flavor-for-the-value Rioja, which has, as a testament to Stephen's schtick, taken the place of my ubiquitous Ozzie shiraz.
It is what it is.
Which is to say: fairly amusing.
Can't wait for the endgame.
Past Top Chef entries:
The kitchen is no place for bad genitalia puns
On Harold, Derby, and New Orleans
My mushrooms are gritty - that's no good
... and here's why it's relevant
Posted by eek at May 10, 2006 09:50 PM
Comments
Flipping the station hastily. Laptop + Kettle One = Bad News!
Posted by: Terri at May 10, 2006 10:39 PM
I am suprised you did not mention Kenneth at all. I got a good laugh at hearing him argue with Stephen. By the way -- hats off to Stephen for being the bigger person and apologizing for being such a prick to Candice. Does anyone care about Tiffani? Didn't think so.
Kenneth = Grounds-keeper Willy.
Tiffani = Rocky Dennis.
It is what it is.
Posted by: Thommy Browne at May 11, 2006 12:15 PM
Dude, you so need to get into food critiquing. You SO need to get into food critiquing. I'd like my food reviews with a side of snark rather than aromas and bouquets.
OTOH, I clicked on the link to Cynthia and for shame! You are way prettier than her and platinum suits you. Her blonde is looking a wee bit peed on.
Posted by: monkey at May 11, 2006 01:20 PM
Monks, remind me to tell you sometime about how I became accidentally close to being the new dining reviewer for the local alt-weekly. Weirdest two weeks of this year, so far.
Thommy, I thought Ken was just, like, a weird addition to the scene. Ken who again? Dude, you were on for one episode. I cannot care about you or your storyline. Now Harold's cropped camo cargos and flops, I can care about that. So so wrong, and yet so right.
I hear they shot this reunion over the course of 6-10 hours (differing reports). Damn! No wonder they were all so slurry drunk.
I want to make pocket Stephens and pass them out on public transport.
Posted by: eek at May 11, 2006 04:20 PM
No more picking on Tiffani.
Posted by: dottcomments at May 11, 2006 05:04 PM
do you think ... it's possible... that harold and lee anne are an item? did you see her when gail asked the question?
Posted by: jesser at May 11, 2006 06:54 PM
I do not believe Harold and Lee Anne are an item. I think they're just good buddies. He probably just has some girlfriend he doesn't want the whole Internet to talk about. He referred to her as "one of my girls" when she was sent home, and that's language you use in reference to close platonic friends.
Though I have to say, Dave's suggestion that Harold and Stephen go make out somewhere is rather compelling to me. Not stuffy suit Stephen, but t-shirt and jeans Stephen ... with sleeveless shirt Harold pulling himin for a patented Harold Hug ... and oops, they've become, well, so close... now that is trés hott.
Posted by: eek at May 11, 2006 06:57 PM
Dianna ... TIFFANI SUCKS! Why are you sticking up for her?
Posted by: Thommy Browne at May 11, 2006 09:55 PM
OMG.. FANTASTIC POST!!... LOLOLOL. Ground Unicorn Horn... i'm totally stealing that!>.. you're an excellent writer... love the blog....... :)
Posted by: Aethlos at May 12, 2006 05:07 AM
This is a Red Dragon-free zone, thanks! No love for the Tiffanator.
Posted by: eek at May 13, 2006 03:04 PM
I will continue to stick up for Tiffani because I think aggressive, competitive women always get labeled bitch (rather than strong).
As they say, if you can't stand the heat ...
Posted by: dottcomments at May 17, 2006 12:35 PM
I think Tiffani uses the "strong women are always called bitch" card to excuse her rancid behavior. I love ambition, but unbridled competitiveness can lead to some ugly behavior.
Ambition, to me, means wanting to push yourself to reach new heights. Competitiveness means wanting to be better than others. One is self-driven, the other is other-driven. Ambition places high value on evaluating yourself and your efforts, while competition puts a larger emphasis on evaluating others and comparing yourself to them. I guess I just see ambition as being healthy and competiveness as less so because it ends up manifesting itself in unattractive ways.
I see this a lot in the writing world as well. It has nothing to do with gender and everything to do with insecurity. Tiffani just comes off badly in this show because, by and large, the folks who stuck around longer (besides Stephen, who's been roundly criticized for his assy behavior) come across as highly ambitious but not super competitive with one another. Sure, they're all there to win. But you can win a game or a prize and not alienate everyone around you.
She's free to do whatever she needs to do to get to where she wants to go, but not all jerky behavior falls under being *positively* aggressive. Sometimes it's just jerky. I hear Tiffani saying "I didn't come here to make friends," but what's the point in actively, vigorously ensuring that you won't?
Lee Anne managed to call foul when things were foul, be very ambitious and declare her desire to win, and cook like a mad woman and still not come off like the Red Dragon. Andrea was very assertive when it came to her cooking vision and didn't come off like a know-it-all douchebag.
I'm all for standing up for strong, ambitious women. But sometimes, a jerk is just a jerk. I'm sure she's quite talented, but I can't taste the food, so I judge based on her showing on this program. Like the Venerable Heather B (the coolest Real World cast member ever) always says, "they can only use what you give them."
Posted by: eek at May 17, 2006 12:55 PM