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June 04, 2006
Xciting.
So I caught the new X-Men movie on Friday. Let me just say right now that I never read the X-Men comics, so I don't know much about the characters or their various plotlines and relations, just what they showed in the first movie (haven't seen part deux). While I can parse Batman and Green Lantern authenticity with the geekiest of the geeks, all I want from the X-Men movies is a 90-minute action-fest with some decent character development. I liked the first movie. I have no axe to grind, because my Xpectations are quite low.
For those of you who haven't seen it, the movie basically takes place between two locations, Hogwarts and Endor. Hogwarts has less whimsy but better sim-war, and Endor lacks Ewoks (unless, of course, you count the Frasier Fur, who couldn't just be a wolfman, he had to be a bluewolfman. Have they ever established why these mutations are so random? Why one dude turns into the Frasier Blue and another the Birdman of Alcatraz? You know, on second thought, don't tell me. I don't have room in my brain for yet another section of useless comix knowledge) but seems to have gained a throng of gothed-out Braveheard re-enactors. Then there's a bit with a bald kid and the Golden Gate Bridge, but whatever, the Crazy Bitch Express come to town!
Despite the fact that Storm finally went and got herself a cape, she still can't hold a candle to the resurrected Crazy Bitch. Another classic case of the dude taking the Actual Crazy Lady over the sensible schoolteacher. Even though you can't take her home to Hogwarts for Thanksgiving and the only humane thing to do is stab her with your retractable wolf claws or something before she drags you all down in her borderline self- and other-directed destruction. Doesn't matter that the nice schoolteacher is Halle Berry. All she can do is make it rain and shit. Fancy cape aside. On a good day, she might command a tornado. Crazy Lady can destroy the universe and kill her laah-vurrs with a single thought. You lose, Halle, no contest.
Speaking of killing laaah-vurrs, just who in the hell's the chippie going after Rogue's man? I sense a bald-headed snatching coming her way. Rogue wants to get all cured so she can sex up BrrrBobby, but he's making time with some utterly forgettable Disney ingenue behind her back. Touch her, Rogue! Do the "you got a little something" move and just wipe that little speck from the corner of her ice-skating back-stabbing mouth ... orrrrr, let her have Chilly Willie and take up with Wolverine and his muttonchops like we all know you want to. Because if there's anything that can take a guy's mind off his deranged girlfriend he just had to mercykill, it's a chick who can destroy him with a single bare-fingered touch.
And that, Reader, is a Friday night at the movies.
Posted by eek at June 4, 2006 10:33 PM
Comments
Ha, thanks! I've been wondering if that is worth seeing :)
Posted by: Carrie at June 5, 2006 12:06 AM
You owe me a new screen, beeyatch. I don't think I've laughed this hard since the ex-bf with the nunchucks who liked to "roll prepared" down to the AMC.
Posted by: monkey at June 5, 2006 01:01 PM
I thought about putting SPOILER ALERT!!!! at the top of this post, but I figure that's a slippery slope toward self-censorship. And if I start to censor myself, you won't be able to laugh at my tacky ex-boyfriends anymore, god forbid.
Posted by: eek at June 5, 2006 01:25 PM
As we walked home from our own screening of said superhero adventure, Mle asked, "So, the guy with the wings, what's his codename?"
"Angel," sez I, brimming with nerdly knowledge.
"What else does he do?" she asks.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, he's got wings, but what other powers does he have?"
"That's it. He's got wings."
"Isn't that kind of a lame power?"
"Yes," I say, nodding. "Yes, it is."
As to the answer to your "why the randomness?" question, without going into the volumes of nerditude available to me, it basically comes down to Stan Lee being a lazy and often sloppy writer.
Posted by: Hulkster at June 5, 2006 08:53 PM
Thanks, Hulk, I suspected as much.
Posted by: eek at June 5, 2006 09:08 PM